how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Hippo gnu deer
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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