at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
