I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
