I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
