could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
