The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just found a bag of teeth...
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
