I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
