I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Four minutes until I can fart!
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
