you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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