i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
And then the night went full on bisexual.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
