i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
