I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
