shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
