Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
