Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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