They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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