while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
