Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
