Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
