i permit you to call me
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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