yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
where are my eyebrows?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
