I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
