Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
she pinky promised me she was 18
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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