no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
It's never too late to be topless.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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