Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
