I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
