Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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