Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
