I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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