you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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