Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
