he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
