I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Randomize
