I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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