I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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