well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
did i just pee glitter
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
