When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Is Oprah even human
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
