I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
