my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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