Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
