I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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