In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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