so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
