just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
