Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
