I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
