DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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