This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
