Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
