never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
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