you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
