I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
