Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
