This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
