i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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