I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
